This blog post was written by Lea Humphrey, LPC, SA-IT, Behavioral Health Therapist at the Beloit Area Community Health Center.
Well, you made it
The hustle and bustle and overthinking of the holiday season is, for the most part, done. Now what? Time for reflection, time to clean up, time to deflate, and time to move forward.
… Things without all remedy should be without regard: what’s done, is done.Shakespeare’s Lady Macbeth
So, basically what Lady Macbeth is saying is put on a solution focused perspective and do what you can do and let go of the things that you cannot control. What’s done is done. Focus in the here and now. All of those would-haves, should-haves, and could-haves draw one into reverse.
Ask yourself what you can do now to move forward. Breathe. Those deep grounding breathes and onward you go.
Self-care to decompress
- Get outside. You do not have to spend an hour out in the cold. Put your coat on, step outside, watch the sky, the birds, animal tracks in the snow, or the snow on the trees for 5 to 10 minutes.
- Play with kids bubbles (hint: you can do this outside also and watch them freeze in the cold).
- Dance for 5 to 10 minutes.
- Take a bubble bath with candles and incense.
- Unplug for an hour. No phone, computer, video games.
- Do a 3-to-5-minute grounding exercise.
- Volunteer. Giving back produces feelings of pride and accomplishment and produces a sense of community.
- Start a hobby such as painting, jewelry making, knitting/crocheting.
- Enjoy a cup of hot cocoa or tea while listening to soothing music.
Acceptance: Letting Go of What You Cannot Control
One of the biggest things humans attempt to have control over through would-haves, should-haves and could-haves is the past. Often, one will perseverate (think and think) of how things could have or should have gone differently.
Well, they didn’t go differently and unless you have a time machine events of the past cannot be changed. Acknowledge the feelings and lesson learned and … let it go. Imagine blowing up a balloon and letting it drift into the clouds watching it float away. Letting go of the past sets you free to live “in the now”. Accept what cannot be changed.
One of the other things that humans attempt to have control over, and therefore create struggle, is other humans. Individuals are unique and have a view of the world through lenses that are created from past experiences, knowledge, or sometimes lack of knowledge, and belief systems of how the world operates. These factors create one’s perspective and how the individual chooses to react to the environment.
One cannot “make” an individual choose how to react. This does not mean you have to agree with the individual. Nor does it mean you have to like it. It does mean it is out of your control. YOU’RE control comes in how YOU choose to react. Accept what you can change and what you cannot change.
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown