Forgiving Others

This blog post was written by Lindsey Anderson, MSW, LCSW-IT a behavioral health therapist at the Beloit Area Community Health Center.

Forgiveness is easier said than done

Forgiveness is a process that requires acceptance, self-reflection, time, and patience. A common phrase that people live by, “I will forgive, but will not forget.” Is that true forgiveness?

Forgiveness is more than saying, “It’s okay” to someone that wronged you. It is about accepting the hurt that was caused and finding an inner peace to release unwanted emotions. When we hold on to anger, resentment, and sadness, we cannot fully forgive and learn from what happened.

You do not have to put yourself back into a relationship or situation that caused the hurt for the sake of others, but rather letting go of the emotions associated with the event to live a better life for yourself.

Benefits of forgiveness:

Improved mental health
Less anxiety, stress and hostility
Lower blood pressure
Fewer symptoms of depression
A stronger immune system
Improved heart health
Improved self-esteem
Health relationships

Effects of being unforgiving:

Holding onto anger and bitterness into relationships
Not being able to enjoy the present
Depression and anxiety
Feel that your life is lacking purpose or meaning
Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others

Seven Steps to Forgiveness

Acknowledge the hurt: give context to the situation and the reasons behind the hurt
Consider: How did it affect you? Has the pain changed you or someone else?
Accept: You cannot change the past and your feelings will not change the event
Determine: Determine if you want to forgive
Repair: Repair and rebuild connections before going back to “normal”
Learn: Find closure and what this process meant to you
Forgive

Once you have found that forgiveness was given, in one form or another, you let go of the negativity that bind you to that other person.